Saving Sirius
by imaginationcelebration
Summary: He doesn't tell them how much it hurts to be hated. In truth, it hurts more than he'd like it to. Caught up in hurt and self-hate, Sirius turns to drastic measures without thinking it through properly. Remus finds his friends bed empty and goes in search of his lost friend. Very Mild Wolfstar.


Sirius sat in his bed, curtains closed around him, with his knees brought up to his chin. He reread the letter from his mother for the 5th time. Sobs racked his body as he stumbled over the last few lines.

_Sirius,  
I cannot tell you how disappointed I am of you! You have shamed are family on countless occasions. First you become a Gryffindor. You are foolish and your house shows it. Only the cunning and sharp make it to Slytherin and you have never been close to good enough to bear green and silver. Then you befriend a blood traitor and two half bloods! Potter is a useless, ignorant cretin. He and his thoughtless parents will die at the hands of the dark lord as they will never see the light. As for the half bloods, they have disgusting muggle blood in them. Repulsive creatures that muggles are.  
Now, the reasoning for my letter. Regulus has informed me that you only received an Exceeds Expectations in your latest Potions exam. Oh the shame that it brings! How dare you not achieve an Outstanding in the subject of the snakes! You are useless, worthless, unwanted and unloved. Do not bother coming home for Christmas, wretch.  
Walburga Black_

She did not even sign it 'Mother'. Sirius knew for sure that she signed all of Regulus' letters 'all my love, Mama'. He choked as he tried to get his gut wrenching sobs to subside.

He threw back his curtains and crept from the dormitory before breaking into a run after the portrait and not stopping until he reached the boys bathroom on that floor. The raven haired boy rushed to a cubicle and threw up violently into the toilet. His throat burned terribly. His eyes stung and his head was spinning. He staggered from the toilet and wiped away any remains of his dinner with the back of his hand. He half crawled to the sinks and allowed his face to loll into the basin so that the cool water would wash it clean and bring the world back to focus.

Anger boiled inside the fifteen year old. He hated himself so damn much! Why was he never good enough?

Sirius stumbled over to where a mirror was hanging on the wall. Sirius punched the mirror hard out of pure exasperation. He shocked himself as the pieces of glass shattered and fell to the floor.

Sirius saw the mirror as being as broken as he felt, and he collapsed to the floor in desperate and depressed tears. Slowly, oh so slowly, Sirius reached out towards where the pieces of mirror had fallen. His shaking hands closed around one of the sharp, jagged glass pieces.

He was in pain. His family- his own flesh and blood- despised him. Flashes of his childhood tortured his hate filled mind.

**A five year old Sirius was following his Mother everywhere.  
"But Mother! Why can I not play with the muggles?" he whined.  
"Because you are superior and pure, Sirius. We Black's do not mix with such disgusting THINGS as muggles. You should know this by now." His mother lectured.  
"Mother, I've seen the muggles from my window! They are the same as you and I!" Sirius continued defiantly.  
A hard slap rang across the small boy's left cheek. It stung harshly and tears formed in the child's eyes.  
"You will not question me, Sirius Black. We are pure blood! You will never speak to me of filthy muggles again!" Walburga hissed.**

**"****Mama! Mama! Sirius was being nasty to me!" Regulus cried as he ran into the drawing room with his brother in tow.  
"What has the wretch done now?" Orion thundered as he marched into room.  
"Tell your Papa, Regulus." Walburga encouraged.  
"He told me that I was worse than a muggle!" Regulus exclaimed.  
"No I didn't! I said that you're the same as them because you haven't done any magic yet!" Sirius protested hopelessly. He was in it deep and he knew it.  
His Father flicked his wand without uttering a word, and Sirius stumbled towards him, not of his own accord. Suddenly his Father was holding a black leather belt. He ripped off the 8 year olds shirt and threw it aside. Sirius bit down hard on his lip. Father had never used the belt before, only his hand.  
The first lash came down hard, cracking as leather met tender skin. Sirius' shoulder jolted and tears formed in the corners of his eyes as the skin on his back stung. Another nine blows hit the boy's back before his Father threw his shirt to him and banished him to his room for the evening without supper.  
Finally, alone in his room, Sirius let the tears fall. He curled up on his bed sobbing. Later he would trace the deep red welts with his fingers; but for now he would just rock himself and cry.**

**"****How dare you get into Gryffindor! You are unworthy to bare the family name, you wretch! Shame of my flesh!" Walburga screeched as she dragged Sirius into his Father's study.  
"And Abraxas has informed us that Lucius saw you with two halfbloods and a blood traitor!" Orion roared. "You disgraceful rogue! Is it your wish to live through this summer or not?"  
"But Father, they're my friends!" Sirius objected. "Why should their blood status matter?"  
A sharp slap rang across Sirius' cheek.  
"Friends are useless to people of great power and status such as us. They will bring you down and desert you in the end. You are unloved by us and unloved by them!" Walburga shouted angrily.  
"They aren't like that Mother. They're really nice!" Sirius told them defiantly.  
Sirius watched in horror as his father summoned one of his belts. It had spiked studs in three columns going right the way down. His Mother ripped off his shirt and pushed the trembling twelve year old forward.  
Sirius received thirty whacks for his disobedience and rudeness and was sent to his room for the whole of the day.**

Ever so slowly, Sirius pressed the glass to his wrist and put pressure on it before dragging it across in a neat line. Pain exploded in his veins making the fifteen year old gasp and his shoulder jolt. Shaking horrendously he brought the blade an inch down and made another line. By now blood was covering both of his hands, left his arm and his knee that he had wrested his wrist on.

Remus stirred from his sleep to hear thunder outside and rain pelting the window. A storm. He assumed that Sirius would be awake as he always was during storms. Though his friend would never admit to it, Remus knew that Sirius was petrified of storms.

The sandy haired boy drew back his own curtains and laid one bare foot on the flag stoned floor at a time. He crept to Sirius' bed and opened the curtain to find the bed empty. How odd. Sirius never left the dormitory at night, except with James to get food from the kitchens.

The werewolf tiptoed over to his sleeping, messy haired, bespectacled friend and rummaged in his trunk to find the map and his invisibility cloak.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Remus muttered under his breath. Ink spread across the parchment providing a map of Hogwarts. Remus saw that Sirius was in the bathroom to the left of the portrait.

Why would Sirius not just use their bathroom?

Remus didn't like the uncertainty he was feeling and donned the cloak. He slipped out of the portrait, unseen, and snuck to the bathroom. He didn't remove the cloak upon entry, simply shuffled into the room- his feet now stone cold.

Then he saw it.

Sirius was arched over and sobbing uncontrollably. There was a jagged piece of broken glass clasped in his right hand and blood seeping from his left arm.

Remus dropped the cloak and ran forward to where his friend was sitting. He fell to the floor behind the raven haired boy and gasped.

Sirius knew that his memories were tormenting him but he couldn't stop feeling the lashes of his father's belt or the screaming of his mother's voice.

Suddenly there were strong, warm arms around him and he was being held like he never had been. He leant back into the chest of the unknown person and trembled.

"Give it to me, Padfoot." Remus whispered, prising the glass from the broken boy's hand.

"M.. Moony." Sirius gulped. Then he was crying into his friends shoulder and being rocked by the boy.

Remus rubbed his back soothingly and whispered words in his ear. Though he couldn't quite hear them, they made him feel better almost immediately.

"What were you thinking, Sirius?" Remus asked his friend.

Sirius didn't know what to say. How could you put words to what he was feeling.

"I'm sorry." Sirius whispered.

"Come on, Padfoot. We need to get you to the hospital wing. Then Madam Pomfrey can see top you. Hell! I'll take you straight to Dumbledore and he can floo us to Saint Mungo's." Remus rambled.

"N.. no. You cant t.. tell anyone, Remus! Anyone! They'll tell my parents! My Father will k.. kill me!" Sirius begged.

"Sirius, you'll be fine. You'll be ok. But you need to have see to your cuts." Remus continued.

"Moony please! You cant tell anyone! There's a spell in our charms book. I'll fix this myself." Sirius pleaded.

But his vision was going blurry.

"No! Padfoot, don't go to sleep! I'll fix you, come on now." Remus promised, pulling the boy to his feet. But Sirius was too weak to walk by now. His knees buckled and he fell; Remus grabbed him just before he hit the ground, and picked him up.

Sirius clung to his body as Remus carried him bridal style back to their dorm.

He laid Sirius down on his bed, propping up his head with a pillow and reaching for his charm book. He put a silencio charm on the closed bed curtains so that they wouldn't wake the others. He flicked through the pages until he found the healing spell for gashes.

"Vulnera Sanentur." Remus mouthed and the gashes closed.

"T..thanks." Sirius smiled weakly.

"I'll come back in the morning.." Remus began.

"No! Don't leave!" Sirius interrupted. "Please."

Remus nodded and slipped into bed beside his best friend.

"You've got some major explaining to do, Padfoot." Remus told the animagi sternly.

"I know, Moony. I'm so sorry." Sirius sighed. "Read the letter." He added passing the crumpled and tear stained parchment to the werewolf.

Remus cursed himself as he read. They knew that Sirius' family weren't exactly the type to have friends over, but he had never thought that they would be so horrid to their own son!

"That's not even nearly the worst of it." Sirius mumbled. "I've been shouted at, humiliated, beaten, whipped, punched, kicked and hated by my family for as long as I can remember."

"You've got to get away, Padfoot!" Remus murmured.

"How, Remus? How do I get away?" Sirius demanded, looking at his friend with tears in his eyes.

"Run away to James'. You know his parents love you." Remus suggested.

"I cant do that. Why would they want an abandoned teenager in their house?" Sirius muttered.

"We'll talk to James in the morning." Remus said determinedly. Sirius looked horrified at the idea of having to tell anyone else. "You'll have to tell him, Sirius."

"No. I cant tell anyone else. And you cant either. I trust you Moony, but I don't want this getting out. Hogwarts is the only place I'm free!" Sirius implored.

"We'll have to tell them something…. But not just yet if you don't want to. I'm staying at Hogwarts for Christmas anyway." Remus relented.

"Thank you." Sirius whispered, hugging his friend.

Remus hugged him back and Sirius laid his head on the werewolf's chest. Both boys felt a spark of something they had never felt before and a gush of emotion towards each other.

"Remus, I… I love you." Sirius realised. "I love you."

Remus hugged the raven haired boy tighter and stroked his hair.

"You know what? I think that I love you too." He mumbled, his voice thick with emotion and controversy.

"Stay with me." Sirius begged.

"Of course. It's far too warm to leave anyway." Remus smiled.

"Moony."

"Hmm."

"I bloody hate storms."

"I know."


End file.
